Chris said the other day that our house smells like a baby lives here. I instantly thought of baby wash and clean diapers and that smell that used to waft off of Calvin's warm head. and then he elaborated....
"Like baby poop. We need to be better about changing the liner in the diaper pail." Yea, maybe buddy, as long as by "we" you mean "you". I'm tired. and maybe we could invest in a little air freshener.
I am tired. I reached a breaking point last night, as my little monster screamed and refused to sleep anywhere but in my arms and ate every 2 hours. We haven't had this problem since week 2. It's been over a month. We should be making progress not going backwards. But as with all things baby, I'm at a complete loss and have no idea what to expect next. How can something that is suppose to bring such joy in my life result in such misery. Honestly. All I want to do is finish watching an episode of Justified with my sweet baboo. Is that too much to ask?
I comfort myself in the light of day by thinking it must be like backpacking up a mountain. I've done that. Twice. and both times were painful, caused a tear or two, and can in no way shape or form be described as "fun". and both times were amazing. I'd do it again in a minute (as long as Chris agrees to back-pack the baby). So yea, I'm assuming this mommy-hood thing is the same.
And maybe I shouldn't force this kiddo to make it to the 3 hour mark before nursing again. I was just trying to get more than 90 minutes of "freedom" at a time. However, a hungry baby is not a happy baby. So nipples be damned, if that kid wants to eat on the hour he can. Its not like I have anything better to do at the moment. As long as it's not at night. I'll make him a deal. Food every 2 hours during the day if you will please stretch the interval to 4 at night. Oh yeah, and when you are sleeping stop snorting and squeeing. I can't sleep with all that racket. Thanks, baby.
and in other revelations, I need to stop reading parenting books. I'd like Calvin to sleep 12 hours a night, but perhaps starting this training at 7 weeks is a little unrealistic for him (this is where I got the idea to stretch him to 3 hours, since this book recommends starting training when baby is eating every 4 hours during the day). I am intrigued by this concept though. We will return to that later.
On that note, the creature is stirring and that episode of What Not to Wear isn't going to watch itself.
It's "unconditional love conditioning" you are going through. You're doing fine. You have yet to reach the point where you are on the floor, sobbing uncontrollably, wondering if you will ever sleep again, if your life will ever get back to anything close to what it once was, and will there be one tiny wrong decision you make that will change the course of your son's life for the worse and you will forever regret said decision and how will you know. It's coming. And when it does, just go with it and let it flow through you and know that it will get easier and harder all at the same time. Unconditional love conditioning is necessary to your survival. It's like circuit training. It builds callouses. Each little aggravation wears away a layer of your old self and reveals a new layer that is tougher, smarter, and more willing to pick up a NUC off the floor in Target and put it in your own mouth to wash it with Mom Spit just so your little screamer can enjoy it once again...until he throws it on the floor for the 4th time because he gets a kick out of the face you make when you pick it up and put it in your mouth! You're doing great. Everyone's still breathing, right?
ReplyDeleteLove ya girl,
Jess